Jeff Corrigan: Welcome to Habit Masters. I'm Jeff. I'm Sheldon. And today we have a really cool topic we wanna share with you, and it's actually something we're writing an e-book about. Which will be coming out soon.
It'll be free download from our website, so stay tuned for that and we'll send out links to all of you. If you're not on our email list yet, go to our website, check us out, get on board, and we'll send you the ebook as soon as it goes live. Sheldon kick us off with the problem we wanna talk about today.
Yeah, yeah. This
Sheldon Mills: quote we fill sums up the problem perfectly, and here's the quote. Each of us, if we're honest, fills a gap between where and who we. And where and who we want to become pulled from a, a devotional Michelle de Craig called Divine Discontent. And it's this idea that if we're honest I don't know anybody who's living their perfect life, their dream, right?
It's like they've arrived. and every aspect of their life. You know what I mean? Everybody, all of us has there's this gap between where we're at now and where we want to go, who we are now, and who we want to become.
Jeff Corrigan: Yes. So the focus of this episode is really to help you get in a better mindset of your ability to create change in your life and bridge that gap between who you are and who you want to.
So you can start moving in that direction. The way we're gonna do that is by sharing with you. A method we call the garden method because you are the gardener and you have to decide what you're gonna grow. Sheldon, where do we wanna start with this? Yeah, so.
Sheldon Mills: In order to change anything in our lives, we have to first recognize that something needs to change, have ownership, you know, have to build the empower to change it.
Mm-hmm. . And then the commitment, the goals, the, the action you have to take action toward changing it. Right. So we'll start here with the recognition. And the recognition is this, that our life is a. , whatever. You didn't know this, but this life of yours, this garden of yours, anything, you, you've been watering it and giving it sunshine 24 hours a day since the day you were born, , right?
And the reality is that whatever you focus on, whatever you give water and light to that will. . The fact is that most of us, all of us to certain extent, like we felt like it's not really ours, right? Mm-hmm. , the things that are happening to us who we are perhaps isn't really our choice, which is probably true to a large extent, meaning genetics, upbringing from birth, you really didn't have control over your garden, your life control it fully.
Mm-hmm. and so there have been seeds thrown in there that perhaps you don't want anymore. There has been boulders from whatever that are in your garden, in your life that they suck. But , the reality is this, you are the gardener. not only can you, , you, you now have permission. In fact, nobody else can do anything in it except for you, right?
Mm-hmm. , nobody can change. change your life except for you. So it's not your fault that you have these weeds or boulders these things that hurt you. Right. It's not your fault that your life, well, not
Jeff Corrigan: necessarily . Yeah. Okay. Some of it might be your fault.
Sheldon Mills: Okay. Good point. There a lot of it, maybe more than we, we think actually is
Jeff Corrigan: more than we care to admit,
Sheldon Mills: but yes.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But not necessarily. And we say that only as like compassion and do you know what I mean? It's like there is this gap and it's not always your fault. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. But it is your responsibility and fact. You're the only one who can take ownership
Jeff Corrigan: to change it. Yes. And there's a great James Allen quote.
From Man. Man Thinketh says, A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild, but whether cultivated or neglected, it must and will bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall there in and will continue to produce their kind.
I think this spells out to what Sheldon was alluding to. is up to now in your life. A lot of your life has been made up of reacting to other things, reacting to other people's wishes, reacting to other traumas, reacting to things that maybe you didn't necessarily decide intentionally, right? Like, yes, your life is your choice, but you have so many things in there that maybe you didn't even know you were choosing.
A big part of this is recognizing where your garden is at right now and being willing to admit where your garden is at right now. And it without a doubt, your garden is not where you want it to be. Otherwise you wouldn't be listening to this podcast, , right? And, and that's, congratulations.
Sheldon Mills: You have the perfect life.
Jeff Corrigan: Congratulations. You're a human, right? You're, you're doing great, but you're not quite where you want. And that's all that change is about. And what we try to help people do is move from good to great. Follow that path to where you want to go. So with this, you gotta first recognize where your garden's at.
And it might just be take the, and you don't want to write this down if you're driving or something, but take a moment today sometime and draw out a rectangle. , pretend it's your garden. Say my life is a garden. And then within that, start writing out things that exist in your garden, things you love, things you don't love
just anything that's there. Call it a weed, call it a flower , whatever's in your garden. It's there right now. And you need to just accept that and before you take the next step, which is what Sheldon was talking about, taking ownership. So what, how are they gonna take ownership in this? She. Yeah, so
Sheldon Mills: in this metaphor, I would argue that the soil.
in your life. And the seeds are basically a gift for being alive, right? Mm-hmm. , , there's a gift from God, the universe, whatever. Part of being alive is this ability to, to grow, to change, to produce things. It's, it's choice, it's agency. That's a gift. Mm-hmm. , well, you have control over is the sun and the rain, and deciding which seed you want to plant, right?
So the. is the identity. It's the thing that you want in your life. The thing you want to become the goals and fruits of your labor that you want to have existing in your life. So again, it may not be your fault for some of this, the state of the garden now, but it is only you can make the decision. to plant something different.
Plant something new, to clear out a section of weeds. You know, quit giving time and attention so, or rain and sun to the things you don't want. And give time and attention to the seeds, the new identity, the new goals, the new fruits you want in your life. Only you can do that.
Jeff Corrigan: Yeah, absolutely. And this ownership piece, this empowerment piece is so key to all of it because up until now we've been blaming time, we've been blaming external forces for everything in our life, right?
Not always, but a lot of the time. But . In order to create change and transformation in your own life, you must take responsibility for all of it, whether it's good or bad, right? It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. So just repeat yourself. That, that thought. It's not my fault, but it is my responsibility and I have, I get to choose what to do with it.
Now. It's like tony Robbins likes to say life happens for you, not to you. So everything in your life, it might be there for a reason, right? What can you do with it? , now you get to choose. Can you, can you eliminate it? Can you, can you weed it out or do you need to replace it with something better?
Right? So there's so many things we can do once we take ownership that this, that we can create something new. We can start to clear out space for new things to grow and a new future for our lives and, and our. It's both
Sheldon Mills: empowering and empathetic, right? Mm-hmm. Again, it's not my fault, but it is my responsibility because only you have the power to change it.
Jeff Corrigan: you're exactly right. And we may have
Sheldon Mills: been victim of circumstance, genetics, socioeconomic status, trauma. Again, not your fault, but you're the only one who's in a position to change it. .
Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. And, and kind of goes back another quote we like is when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, right?
It's being willing to change the way you see what's in your garden. So right now, if you see it as a bad thing, then it, it, it remains a bad thing. But if you see it as an opportunity to. Grow or learn or move forward, it can become a good thing. It can become a stepping stone rather than an obstacle in creating space for new things in your life.
Closing loops this is something we like to share with people is, is how to close loops. Maybe there's something you grew in the past that you refuse to let go of , it's like it was a good thing, but you can replace it with something. . It's like, sure, it was a tomato plant, but now I wanna plant corn
If we're gonna use the vegetable examples, like, Hey, I had a tomato plant there and I really don't wanna get rid of that tomato plant, but I don't have room for corn unless I do, and I really wanna have corn more . So there has to be a time where we can, we, we can close loops and let go of the past and replace it with something that we want more or that is better in our life.
And there's a lot of that that has to go on when we're clearing out our garden. We, as we look through it, they may not all be, we. , but they may not all be needed either.
Sheldon Mills: I love this quote, what you focus on, gross. Okay. So at any given 24 hours, what you focus on is what you water and give sunshine to mm-hmm.
and where your attention goes, energy flows. So that is the key to, what's the quote? It's like, I think from Aristotle, but it's actually from a movie. His name is Aristotle. . Like the key to change is not to tear down the old, but to build the new. Right. It's you always have to weed. That's a fact of life.
People like, there will always be a certain amount of weeding, clearing out the things we we're just alive. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. things we watch, social media, television stuff gets thrown into our lives. Negative negativity. past seeds that are in your garden. Throw off more seeds, past fruits, and, and you have to weed.
Jeff Corrigan: part of it. Secret tip. Stop watching the news. That'll help a lot. . It's the first step to weeding. Don't watch the news. Plug over. Now it's time to go back. returning to our normal broadcast.
Sheldon Mills: But the secret is, if you really want us see change to grow you, you need to, I mean, you can't just weed, it's to bear.
Yes. A lot of soil all day. Mm-hmm. , you have to water and give sunshine to the things you want to grow. You're, you're doing it anyway, right? Yeah. 24 hours a day, whatever you're, you're focus and attention on. So the secret is to decide what seed identity goals you want to have. And then commit to it.
Meaning you give it time and attention. . Mm-hmm. money is a good way too. Right? time, tension. But time and attention, whatever your focus is on, that's what's gonna
Jeff Corrigan: grow. Yeah. Well, and you, so that part is so key right here though, that that moves us into the next stage, which is commitment, right. And just like you said, time, attention, focus, money, all of those things, when you put them into something that would count as commitment.
Commitment is really. action. It's like, what am I doing to nurture this new seed? And, and you pointed out, and I wanna make sure we talk about this a little bit. The, the seed is the identity, right? It's like when we're talking about the garden method and the garden metaphor, the seed is, can, can be compared to your identity.
Up until now, you've probably had the flawed view that your identity is something you were born. Something that you can't change, something that you just are, it's like, oh, well I always do this, or I'm not good at math, or I, I, I'm not, I can't do that because of my, my weak ankles or , whatever. Right.
Whatever the, whatever the excuse may be. I just want to, we wanna share with you today that your identity is changeable. Your identity is in your control and your identity is in fact, whatever you are most committed to, and at any given time, the things you are putting your time, attention, energy, and focus and money into is your identity.
Did that just blow everyone's mind? Like ,
Sheldon Mills: whatever you're most committed to. Yes. Taking action on focusing on giving energy to Yes, that's your identity. And it can change.
Jeff Corrigan: Yeah, and it's also the secret to, if you haven't been achieving certain goals that you wanted, why they're not coming to fruition.
Fruition. There's a good word for this, this podcast why they're not coming to fruition is because you aren't committed to them and until you commit to this new identity, in other words, plant the. and then nurture it day by day by watering it and giving it sunlight like Sheldon was talking about, which is essentially just your time, energy, focus and it, and, and, and potentially money in some cases.
It won't grow. And, and, and you can't say you're committed to something if you aren't doing those things. So until you are committed, you really haven't planted the seed. And then to make it grow you. Build habits and consistent actions that nurture that new seed. And that's where this third step really comes in of the cycle.
So first we are taking it a full account of where we're at. We're recognizing it's recognition of our full garden. Oh, this is my garden. Second is taking ownership and saying, I have the power to change this. And third is committing to the change you wanna create in your life. And not just that, but being willing to change.
Because if you will change as Jim Ron. Everything will change for you.
Sheldon Mills: A couple things on, on the commitment and action section some practical advice I'd call it. Yes. There's this question is like where does your garden grow? Right? ? Yeah. So if your garden is next to people who are growing things that you don't want, Fruits.
You don't want weeds that they are in their garden. Guess what Seeds are gonna get blow over onto your side of the garden. , right? Yeah. So we've heard this before, like the five people you spend the most time, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Yeah. Like that is true.
Find a tribe, find people like-minded who are trying to go where you are, wanting to go and surround yourself with them.
Jeff Corrigan: Mm-hmm. . Don't let anybody else poo poo your garden because they are right, right now they're, they're dumping all kinds of stuff. Take and move your garden, right? It's like the moment you, you start responding to emails in your day on somebody else's agenda, that's somebody else poo-pooing on your garden, right?
The moment you, you, you trade your goals for somebody else's, it's like, just be very conscious of what you're committed to, what your focus and energy is going towards. Because you could almost say that watering your garden is, is basically your 24 hours of day is what Sheldon is talking about. It's like, I have 24 hours in a day.
C. C, let's just imagine. That's water. The water. I can nurture all of my identities with all of my commitments with, and . If I'm spending time and energy on all these things that aren't in my garden, maybe it's someone else's garden entirely, right? , my garden's getting neglected. I'm growing weeds over here, but I'm, I'm gar, I'm, I'm watering someone else's garden.
Make sure that you're also watering your garden. No, only a lot time there. If it's, if you feel like it's a benefit, it's, it's helping you also. Now, I don't want this to turn into a what's in it for me, right? Because we're, we're all about service and contribution. But it's first understanding is my own garden taken care of before I start watering someone else's garden.
It's like make, make sure your garden is in a good place before you start trying to , like extend your, your, your water to other places. It's like, oh, now you don't have enough water to grow the seeds for your garden to thrive. So it, it goes back to our conversation. What was her name? Becky? No, your, your neighbor.
Sheldon Mills: Yes.
Jeff Corrigan: Lisa Bishop. Lisa Bishop. Wow. It's terrible. Yes. It goes back to your neighbor, Lisa Bishop who was teaching us about this. The therapist, like it's the same thing whose leaves are these? It's like if you're, if you haven't raked up your own leaves, it's probably not time to go rake up your neighbors yet,
It's like, it's great to have a heart of service and do all that, and we don't want to stop you from that, but make sure your garden is in a good place as.
Sheldon Mills: Second piece of practical advice for commitment and action. And that is, this goes back to a little bit of the the empathy for, you know, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
Mm-hmm. Find a specialist. Find a specialist who knows how to grow the things you wanna grow. Who knows how to clear out those weeds that are hurt. . Mm-hmm. and that specialist, you know, what is it? Someone who's, who's been there before. Books, podcasts, therapists, there are all sorts of specialists who can help you find better tools instead of pulling it out by hand, maybe use a shovel, maybe use a chainsaw.
Dang it. . Some of us have some of those intracted habits, you know, propensities, addictions that take like, yeah, it's gonna, I, I need much better tools. Takes Right , but you're the only. who can make that decision to, to start now, to start getting stronger. Mm-hmm. , by exercising those muscles who can find somebody who's done it before, who has better tools than you have to help you figure it out.
Only you can decide and have the ability, the ownership to make that decision.
Jeff Corrigan: Well, and what you just described is these three steps are required for any change in your life. You have to recognize, okay, I've got a. , right? And then you gotta take ownership, okay? I'm the only one who can change it.
And then you have to take action. Who, how, what, right? Who, how, what, how am I gonna do this? Who can help me? And be willing and committed to the new you and the every day. The the cool thing is, James Clear talks about this in his book, is every day you take action on your goal or this new you, you're working to nurture and create this new seed in your life, this identity.
Is a vote for the future. You, it's like every time you water that seed that you take, the action that you said you would take is a vote for who you are and who you are going to be. And the moment you start doing that, it's like we say, a writer writes, a runner runs a blog or blogs, whatever, whatever the words may be, right?
A, a piano, a musician plays music. If you aren't doing those things, it's hard to vote. It's hard to imagine like, oh yeah, I'm, I'm a musician. If you. Playing music. So take those steps on a consistent basis to nurture the new seed and grow it into your life until one day, not just you see it, but everyone see.
You've grown an amazing tree and, and people are like, wow, look at that apple tree. Wow. He's, he really is a great, or she is a really great athlete, or a, whatever it is you wanna be, whatever that goal is. A great mother, a great father, a great businessman a great writer. Like I can use a million examples, but anything you wanna be
What were your practical, repeat those for us in like a synopsis. , the practical
Sheldon Mills: steps, practical things, is to find a specialist to help you either grow the thing you want to grow or get rid of the, the weed, the boulders, the stuff that's you don't want in your life.
Mm-hmm. . The second practical step is to surround yourself. with like gardens, people growing the type of fruit that you wanna grow cuz that's also maybe a good metaphor for life is like you're, you're not an a plot of soil on an island. Mm-hmm.
you're a plot. Your garden is surrounded by other gardens. Surround yourself with gardeners and gardens that are growing the fruit that you want to grow. Yeah. We
Jeff Corrigan: are a part of a whole for. You can't make a change without impacting those around you. Right? And hopefully you're doing it in a positive way, shining your light, growing your garden moving forward.
And I think as part of that, what we talked about before, Sheldon, in our own conversation is, is this approach and avoid method where, This practical tip would be start to focus on the things you want more than the things you want to avoid. Now there is always some weeding that has to happen, but the more you add in good things, it's going to crowd out the weeds.
Yes, as more and more like if anybody knows a great garden is when it has all the plants in it growing flourishing and, and you've got the weed paper down and all these things, less weeds. , you've done the preparation, you're growing, you're growing mostly only good, and then the weeding becomes fairly easy cuz your life is full of great things.
Yeah, and that's the same thing with building good habits and having goals and vision of where you want to go. The last piece of this, I would say, is always have seats. Always know, at least have an idea of what you want to grow. Because if you don't, if all you're doing is weeding and avoiding things, you're gonna have an empty plot of soil.
but as you water every day, you're just growing more weeds because if you water with no seeds, Sheldon, what happens? , you only grow weeds. You only grow weeds. You guys have heard this from us before, but it's a great analogy for how this works. If you don't have goals, you don't have a vision of a future, you don't know where you want to go.
Your garden has a real hard time growing anything but weeds because you're always taking actions, but they're not moving you in the direction you wanna. and it's not even always
Sheldon Mills: weeds, you know, cuz all of us have great things in our lives. That's true. But until you deliberately choose the things you wanna grow, meaning you choose the things you're gonna focus, give your time and attention to mm-hmm.
then we're kind of letting others throw, you know, give us those seeds and we're giving time and attention, watering, giving sunlight to those things. Yeah. Which isn't necessarily bad. Right. Yeah, that's, there are a lot of good things. Like I grew up in a family, you know, a lot of my identities were great things and I keep them, but the more I'm doing that consciously by choice, the more I'm able to grow the things I want to grow and go and have and become and do the things that I want to do and have and become.
Jeff Corrigan: Absolutely. I love that. So to finish things off, if you're listening to this, the thing we want you to know, and the thing you must know is that you are the gardener and you get to choose what grows in your garden.
Sheldon Mills: Yeah. Okay. So thank you for listening. As always. We hope this helped you better understand how much ownership and power we have in our lives. Again, it's not your fault, but if you want anything to change, it's your responsibility. You are the only one who has the power to find.
Gardeners or specialists or, you know what I mean? It's still your choice if anything's gonna change. Mm-hmm. . And there's a million ways to do that. And I hope you feel more empowered to take ownership to that the power is within you to grow and have and do and become the things that you want.
Jeff Corrigan: Absolutely. And if you guys have loved this and you're feeling ready to make a change, , we have a course that's seven days that helps you implement a habit building checklist to basically help you do this plant new seed in your life and create the new identity you've had sitting on the shelf for years now, right?
the things you've wanted, the goals you've been putting off and we hope that you'll take advantage of that. And if not, that's great too. , we'll see you on the next episode, . It's time to start living your best life.